I struggle every day.
I struggle with not feeling good enough, I struggle with money, I struggle with relationships, I struggle with decisions that I have made and I still have to make, life is a struggle.
While the struggles of everyday life weigh upon me, I have come to a peace in my life that I know comes only from a faith that has been instilled in me since childhood, since the days of the simple stories of the Bible, through life lessons as a youth and joys and disappointments as an adult.
I’m one of those “wear your emotions on your sleeves kind of guy.” Once when my brother was picking on me, my grandmother spoke up and in her most grand-motherly of southern belle grand-motherly voices said “leave him alone, he is a sensitive child.”
While that joke has been told and retold through life, it is true, I am sensitive, I ache when those around me ache, I cry for a nation that has lots its way, I mourn when I witness bigotry and oppression of people who are simply trying to live the lives that God created for them, yes, I am sensitive and I struggle.
When the same grandmother, who told my brother I was sensitive passed away, I had a meltdown in the funeral home. My mom and dad took me into a back office to help me regain my composure and my mom told me something that struck home. In that moment of pain, my mom told me “let it out, I wish I could.”
As I have matured, I have realized my sensitivity is a blessing, not a curse. Sometimes I wish I could have a harder shell, but I don’t. My emotions seep out of me like a river of lava from the deepest bowels of the earth.
I understand that being a sensitive child, sometimes makes life for those around me more difficult, but it is how I am wired and I accept that.
When I tell my co-workers and friends that I cried during a TV show, they just laugh and say “of course you did,” it isn’t meant as a condemnation, but more an acceptance of who I am.
This week, I have been having a hard time, I have thought about a relationship that I wish was stronger, my heart hurts for recently divorced friends that are struggling to find a way in their new-found reality and I have thought and prayed about recent events that have ostracized groups of people who simply want to share their faith the best way they know how and have been pushed away.
This week, a simple message has gone through my mind over and over again…
while we as humans want things done in our time, in our way, we must have faith, FAITH in knowing that HIS time is omnipotent and one day, someday, HIS plan will be revealed, we just have to stand strong, stand in our truth and TRUST.
That prayer filled message has been constant, I know it to be true and trust in the words of God that all will be well.
This morning, as I came into work and flipped on my Pandora, the first song I heard was “It is Well,” a song that has always had tremendous meaning for me, but one that speaks to me stronger today than usual.
It is well, yes because of faith, indeed IT IS WELL. My sensitive self listened with tears strolling down my cheeks and a joy in my heart, still struggling to understand, but steadfast in knowing that HIS plan will be revealed in HIS time.
It Is Well…….