Day 10 – Jeff Goins – 500 Word Challenge….. Write About Writing.
When I saw today’s assignment terror flushed through my body. What do I know about writing? I write, but do I really write?
I know that I get a rush of excitement when I sit down and look at a blank screen and start writing, for me it is a rush. I love to see the words show up on my screen as they flow from my fingers. But the constant fear I have had since I actually started writing is…..”is this any good?”
I started writing this blog in 2009, it was originally posted on a “Blogger” profile http://notesfromasouthernkitchen.blogspot.com/. You would think that after nine years I would have it figured out by now…. I don’t.
I started writing “Notes from a Southern Kitchen” as an experiment. I hadn’t done a lot of “real” writing up until that time. I wrote a lot of Press Releases for my job, but nothing just for enjoyment.
As my mom’s health began to fail, I thought the blog would be a nice way to help her remember family stories from my perspective. The experiment worked, she loved the blog and read every post. After she passed away, it was difficult to write.
I wrote sporadically, but the joy was gone. Over the course of a year, I started posting a bit from time to time and near the end of 2011 I moved the blog to this WordPress format.
After moving over, I started to write a bit more, not usually family stories but my views on pop culture, food, politics and the like. I found I didn’t enjoy those posts nearly as much as I did the stories and moments of life that impacted my days.
Once I moved back to God’s Country, I started having a renewed story to tell, a return to my hometown after being away for over 30 years.
I started to find my joy in writing again and with that joy started writing a monthly column for an area magazine and sharing more here on the blog.
I started writing a novel and then switched over to a life-story and then a second idea for a novel.
I’m now concentrating more on the novel, although the life-story book is almost ready to go, I have a mini-meltdown every time I think about sending it off to a publisher.
You see, quite frankly, I am petrified to finish up any of my work and send it in. I fear the rejection, I fear that the book in my brain simply isn’t as good on paper as it is in my head.
When I write, I still see those red-marked grade “C” essays from college. I am afraid I still haven’t learned where to put a comma and where to leave one out. Are my sentences mature or do I write like a fourth-grader, do I ramble, do I repeat and on and on and on, I know it is fear that holds me back.
Then I start worrying, what if it is good, what if it is published, what if people like it, oh my, fear really is my worst enemy!
‘All these thoughts hold me back, fear, doubt….. ugh!
I’ll just put it out there, I would love to write books and columns and human interest stories. I think I excel in that homespun writing that leaves people with a lump in their throat or a swelled heart filled with pride.
Now if I could just get past my fears and have enough faith in my ability to find out if I “have it” or not, maybe this would all be easier.
Writing is my joy, my excitement, my best friend. Writing is also my insecurity, my fear and my dread.
Oh Calgon….. take me away!