Migration of the Dreaded Snowbird

snowbirdsAs I am sure you have noticed, the migration of the dreaded snowbird has once again taken place.

The abundance of Lincoln land yachts have made their way from the promised land of the north, to the backwoods backwards lands of Florida.

This annual flight takes place between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day each year when the area’s population swells to accommodate an uncomfortable combination of complaints, comparisons and cotton moo-moos.  Coming on the heals of Christmas, it isn’t necessarily the most wonderful time of the year.

Ironically, the flight of the snowbird takes place at the end of hurricane season, it only makes sense that God punishes us for the amazing weather we have year round with 10 months of fear and loathing between these two phenomenons.

While thrift stores, restaurants that feature early dining, cigarette stands and gold jewelers all thrive during the flight of the snowbird, the everyday lessons learned by the average year-round resident surpasses any financial gain of those who provide hospitality to our outspoken guests.

Take for example, today while strolling through the produce section of my local grocery, I learned that the oranges in Detroit are far superior to those at my stand.  I guess it is all those dilapidated factories housing the great orange groves of Michigan that make them better.

imagesCA27ET6AAlso, while out and about today, I learned that I should go eff myself in the eyes of the sedan driver who decided that it was not her responsibility to stop at the red and white octagonal sign, but my responsibility to stop when I don’t have one, but see her coming.

For those of us who have lived in Florida for any amount of time, we are used to hearing on a daily basis how backwards we are as opposed to our brethren from the north.  We understand that we don’t do things here as well as they are done in New York and we appreciate that reminder over and over and over again each day.

So this year, I have a few recommendations I would like to share that should help us all get through snowbird season in one piece.

Let me say, we appreciate our snowbird friends, we have learned to appreciate aqua pants, melon colored jackets and that perfect shade of orange found after spending hours at the beach and then topped off with a tanning bed session.

ny2001This recommendation I make today is for them, it is to make their experience better, it is our backwards way of showing how much we appreciate you and your three pack a day habit.

While these are only suggestions, I hope that we can all find a way to extend an open hand, snowbird to resident.

Suggestion #1 – In the interest of allowing our guests the optimal shopping and dining experience while in our little backwards part of the world… I suggest that we continue to work 40+ hours each week, providing hospitality and enjoyment for the superior northern race.

Suggestion #2– I suggest that those of us who call Florida home, allow our guests free reign of our stores, restaurants, movie theaters, beaches and other tourist destinations Monday – Friday until 5PM each day.

Suggestion #3 – I suggest that those of us who call Florida home, smile and knowingly shake our heads when told how New York does things better than we do.  While shaking our heads, I also suggest that we remember, April is just around the corner!

Suggestion #4 – With the allowances made above, I suggest that our snowbird guests do all shopping, errands, visits to the doctor, hairdresser, spa, vet and groomers from Monday – Friday during the five-day work week when those of us who eat sub-standard fruits, drive recklessly and don’t have the appropriate appreciation for all things New York are tucked away in our offices and out of your way.

And finally, Suggestion #5…. really more of a plea…..  PLEASE, PLEASE in the name of sweet baby Jesus, no more Speedos and no more bikinis……  NO MAS, NO MAS!


Life’s Playlist….. Lose Yourself by Eminem

Life’s Playlist….. Lose Yourself by Eminem

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